“Okay, okay, okay! Thank you, God.”
Boyfriend, music, part-time jobs, volunteer work, yoga, drugs….. I always found myself wanting something more. If I do all of these things, can I possible fill the emptiness inside? Or, do I have to find something more new and more exciting in order to be happy? When I was young, my parents had divorced. My mother granted me anything I wanted after the divorce and as time passed, the things that I wanted soon grew bigger and bigger.
Once I realized I could have anything I desired to have, I started wanting more expensive things. No matter how great the things I possessed were, the empty spot in my heart was never filled, so my mother and I moved to Hawaii, and then to the famous city of New York.
However, because I was not able to find the happiness I was looking for in New York I moved here and there until I decided to move back to New York. As I spent nearly two years trying to get rid of this emptiness, I realized that something was wrong. No matter how hard I tried, things just wouldn’t get better. There was just no use. I felt as if I were completely separated from God.
My age is now 30.
“What’s wrong?” “How can I overcome these situations?” In order to answer these questions, I started to try different things. I tried to get closer to God by reading the bible very diligently and going to church. I got a well-paying job by doing music which I loved so much, and at the same time, I did volunteer work at three different programs. Relying on yoga was something that I did trying to get out of the bad situations I had to encounter. If someone else would get sick, I would think, “It’s because they don’t do yoga.” And I tried for one month straight. However, it all came to an end when I was the one to fall ill.
I’ve been to the Times Square Church in Manhattan, the Tabernacle Church in Brooklyn and several other churches. I don’t remember the book’s exact title, but being connected through some religious book, I even attended the Sabbath Day Church. My spiritual life there was alright, but the book and also the church talked about money and tithes frequently. Despite all of this, I still felt like something was going wrong. I wasn’t happy at all. That was why I kept searching for churches and lived life without satisfaction, lived life just like a sinner.